My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
