So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
