I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he was CRYING into my vagina
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
