new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
PS: I just woke up from my shower
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
