i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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