Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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