A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
cat food counts as protein by the way
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
