why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
