I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
