I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
