So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
