Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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