We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
