I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
