Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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