I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
