new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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