i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
