I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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