Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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