Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
