That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
