On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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