you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
