Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
