ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
