gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
it's like heaven, but drunker
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
