i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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