Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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