Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
