There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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