I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
