if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
