he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
