the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
