i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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