is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Found your dick twin last night
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
