He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
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