I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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