if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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