Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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