he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
