just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
i've created a new STD.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
