why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
