My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
