Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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