if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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