I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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