You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
