What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
