May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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