Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
